I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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