I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
