Dual....:-)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
time to smoke my breakfast
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
