I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
