If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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