Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
