Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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