hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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