So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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