I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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