WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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