I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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