She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
