i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
