I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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