this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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