Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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