I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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