we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
