I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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