I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
