i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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