Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
