i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
