tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize