You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need a sexual gate keeper
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
