it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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