I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
