I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
