oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
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He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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