You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
