The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize