I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
