when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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