True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
