pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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