why didn't you poke me back
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize