that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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