I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize