and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
