I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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