I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
