Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
