I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sarcasm needs its own font
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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