just tell him i said nine months
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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