wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
