they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
