sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
