I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
