Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
