ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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