Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
