I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
