I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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