I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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