I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
