i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
