this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pants are for mortals
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
