I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
