Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
