so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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