i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
